| MESSAGE FROM THE DIRECTOR Katy C. Merrell, MEd. |
| January 2012 |
FROM THE DIRECTOR: JANUARY 2012
“There are lives I can imagine without children, but
none of them have the same laughter and noise”” A
couple of years ago one of our parents gave us this
quote in a beautiful frame. I hope your holidays were
filled with laughter and the joyous and often raucous
noise of childhood. It is very hard to look at your 3 or
4 year old and imagine them starting their first day of
high school- or heading off to college or a first job,
but as we make our “New Year’s resolutions”, let us be
resolute in working towards the very difficult balance
between giving them “roots and wings” all at the same
time. One of the greatest challenges of parenting is to
be able to thoroughly support and enjoy each age and
stage our children are in while also thinking ahead to
the values, skills, and “tools” they will need to be
ready for the next stage. The skills they will need to
be independent at 18 must be taught starting now….
during the preschool years. And while it may be hard
to think ahead to when they will be 16 or 18, let’s look
ahead to the first day of Kindergarten. Parents with
older children know all too well that when a child gets
on the bus that first day they must be very self-
sufficient in many areas, particularly self-help skills.
As class sizes loom larger and expectations for
academic benchmarks soar, children MUST be able to
express their needs to adults (if they need help, are
hurt, have a problem, etc.). They must be able to
emotionally navigate all the demands of being in a new
environment with new adults and peers, new
expectations, lots of transitions, etc. They must be
able to socially function in the group at some
successful level- be that on the bus, in the classroom,
on the playground, etc. (a tall order for many
children!!) They have to keep track of all their
belongings, get themselves completely dressed to
play outside (including zippering their coat), and be
virtually independent in terms of toileting, washing
hands, eating, etc. This all doesn’t just happen
overnight, it takes a lot of practice and time, and
yes…a great deal of patience on the part of adults. So
many times it is just easier to get them dressed if we
are in a hurry, but we really have to resist the urge to
do things like that for them except when it is
absolutely necessary. In fact at each stage of your
child’s life there will be new skills that they need to
practice, and which ultimately we should model for
them, provide initial support around, but which we
must then let them try, practice, make mistakes, learn
from those mistakes, and eventually master. For
veteran NCS parents you have heard me say more
than once--- this leads to one of major pillars of self-
esteem, namely the confidence that comes from being
able to do something ALL BY YOURSELF! If
unconditional love and acceptance of your child for who
he or she really is (not what you may wish them to be)
is at the heart of the ROOTS we plant as parents,
then the values and skills we help them develop
throughout their lives are the materials for the
WINGS that they will need to soar in life. (see page 2
for some tips!)
I wish you all a HAPPY and
HOPEFUL New Year,
Katy
Carrese Merrell MEd.
p.s. SOME TIPS FOR BUILDING SELF-HELP SKILLS:
- As often as possible, store children’s toys,
clothes, dishes, etc on shelves, hooks ,or containers,
that are within their reach. This way that can take a
more active part in getting things and learning to put
them away.
- Try as much as possible to make sure that
clothing is EASIER for them to get in and out of. At 3
lots of buttons and zippers are much harder than an
elastic waist on pants. Coats with a separate inner
lining are very frustrating for kids (and adults) to put
on. Mittens are much easier them gloves, etc.
Eventually you need to expose them to all the zippers
and button and snaps so they learn to master them-
but start slow and build up.
- Institute a house rule that you can get out the
next game or toy, when you put the one you are
finished with away
- Take a sheet and number it 1 through 18 and
start to think about at least one new privilege your
child may be given at each age AND perhaps even
more importantly- the new responsibility that will
come with that privilege. For example at age 4 they
may get to stay up a half hour later, but they also
should be helping with a couple simple jobs that
contribute to the family- like helping to set or clear
the table, or helping to sort the recycling with you.
- Start by doing jobs together to model how they
are done- and then slowly back away until your child
can fly solo!!
- Institute a “WHEN” and “THEN” policy, i.e.
WHEN your toys are picked up- THEN you can go
outside and play.
Give lots of encouragement for “baby” steps. This is
especially important when a skill is hard. Break it down
in smaller steps and have your child work on one at a
time!!
- Use stories and visualizations to help kids
remember steps. At school when I teach kids to
zipper their coats I have them think of the threads as
the two train tracks and the hole in the bottom part as
the door of the station. Then the “train” part goes into
the door and the engine pulls it up the tracks.
- Remind children of their success in a skill they
have mastered when they are approaching and
overwhelmed by a new one. Success leads to success!!
- Support each other – Mom and Dad…in this whole
process!! It is a life long and essential one for your
children!!
“There are lives I can imagine without children, but
none of them have the same laughter and noise”” A
couple of years ago one of our parents gave us this
quote in a beautiful frame. I hope your holidays were
filled with laughter and the joyous and often raucous
noise of childhood. It is very hard to look at your 3 or
4 year old and imagine them starting their first day of
high school- or heading off to college or a first job,
but as we make our “New Year’s resolutions”, let us be
resolute in working towards the very difficult balance
between giving them “roots and wings” all at the same
time. One of the greatest challenges of parenting is to
be able to thoroughly support and enjoy each age and
stage our children are in while also thinking ahead to
the values, skills, and “tools” they will need to be
ready for the next stage. The skills they will need to
be independent at 18 must be taught starting now….
during the preschool years. And while it may be hard
to think ahead to when they will be 16 or 18, let’s look
ahead to the first day of Kindergarten. Parents with
older children know all too well that when a child gets
on the bus that first day they must be very self-
sufficient in many areas, particularly self-help skills.
As class sizes loom larger and expectations for
academic benchmarks soar, children MUST be able to
express their needs to adults (if they need help, are
hurt, have a problem, etc.). They must be able to
emotionally navigate all the demands of being in a new
environment with new adults and peers, new
expectations, lots of transitions, etc. They must be
able to socially function in the group at some
successful level- be that on the bus, in the classroom,
on the playground, etc. (a tall order for many
children!!) They have to keep track of all their
belongings, get themselves completely dressed to
play outside (including zippering their coat), and be
virtually independent in terms of toileting, washing
hands, eating, etc. This all doesn’t just happen
overnight, it takes a lot of practice and time, and
yes…a great deal of patience on the part of adults. So
many times it is just easier to get them dressed if we
are in a hurry, but we really have to resist the urge to
do things like that for them except when it is
absolutely necessary. In fact at each stage of your
child’s life there will be new skills that they need to
practice, and which ultimately we should model for
them, provide initial support around, but which we
must then let them try, practice, make mistakes, learn
from those mistakes, and eventually master. For
veteran NCS parents you have heard me say more
than once--- this leads to one of major pillars of self-
esteem, namely the confidence that comes from being
able to do something ALL BY YOURSELF! If
unconditional love and acceptance of your child for who
he or she really is (not what you may wish them to be)
is at the heart of the ROOTS we plant as parents,
then the values and skills we help them develop
throughout their lives are the materials for the
WINGS that they will need to soar in life. (see page 2
for some tips!)
I wish you all a HAPPY and
HOPEFUL New Year,
Katy
Carrese Merrell MEd.
p.s. SOME TIPS FOR BUILDING SELF-HELP SKILLS:
- As often as possible, store children’s toys,
clothes, dishes, etc on shelves, hooks ,or containers,
that are within their reach. This way that can take a
more active part in getting things and learning to put
them away.
- Try as much as possible to make sure that
clothing is EASIER for them to get in and out of. At 3
lots of buttons and zippers are much harder than an
elastic waist on pants. Coats with a separate inner
lining are very frustrating for kids (and adults) to put
on. Mittens are much easier them gloves, etc.
Eventually you need to expose them to all the zippers
and button and snaps so they learn to master them-
but start slow and build up.
- Institute a house rule that you can get out the
next game or toy, when you put the one you are
finished with away
- Take a sheet and number it 1 through 18 and
start to think about at least one new privilege your
child may be given at each age AND perhaps even
more importantly- the new responsibility that will
come with that privilege. For example at age 4 they
may get to stay up a half hour later, but they also
should be helping with a couple simple jobs that
contribute to the family- like helping to set or clear
the table, or helping to sort the recycling with you.
- Start by doing jobs together to model how they
are done- and then slowly back away until your child
can fly solo!!
- Institute a “WHEN” and “THEN” policy, i.e.
WHEN your toys are picked up- THEN you can go
outside and play.
Give lots of encouragement for “baby” steps. This is
especially important when a skill is hard. Break it down
in smaller steps and have your child work on one at a
time!!
- Use stories and visualizations to help kids
remember steps. At school when I teach kids to
zipper their coats I have them think of the threads as
the two train tracks and the hole in the bottom part as
the door of the station. Then the “train” part goes into
the door and the engine pulls it up the tracks.
- Remind children of their success in a skill they
have mastered when they are approaching and
overwhelmed by a new one. Success leads to success!!
- Support each other – Mom and Dad…in this whole
process!! It is a life long and essential one for your
children!!
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| “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us” Ralph Waldo Emerson |
NORFOLK CHILDREN'S SCHOOL, 23 Union St., Norfolk, MA 02056 508-528-1970
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